Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize