Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
