I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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