If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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