i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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