so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
