Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
