I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
