There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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