So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
