Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
