We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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