I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
