I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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