i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
