just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
