i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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