aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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