Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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