Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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