so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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