he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
