a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
