Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
