Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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