honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
