I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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