Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
