I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
