its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
