I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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