he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
