What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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