All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
