i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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