Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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