The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
