Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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