If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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