when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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