you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
