I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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