Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
