You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When did angry sex become our thing?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
