i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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