U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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