you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
