Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
