Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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