I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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