my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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