Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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