At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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