I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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