There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
