if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
