i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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