Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
