I hate your face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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