if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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