just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
