This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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