There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
