Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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