I think my fart just growled at me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
