Sponge bath it is.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
