so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
