wakey wakey hands off snakey
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just made my gag reflex go away.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
