Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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