the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
