You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
