we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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