I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
